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Grindrfella’s latest hookup- the Diplomat

By Grindrfella

I had a visit from DC this weekend.

Yes, it’s exactly what you are thinking— I had a crazy with ménage à trois Obama and Hillary Clinton. You would be shocked how quickly politicians become total submissive bottoms. Well, not Hillary (#hillary2016). Back to real life, but flashing back: I went to DC in April because I had never been, I felt that it would be good to see our nation’s Capital since I’m so close.

Did I mention that Grindr is dry in NYC? In addition to gaping at all the monuments, I wanted a local Twunk (not twink) to gape for me.

Grindrfella’s latest hookup- the Diplomat

Well, the DC gods were on my side and within 6 minutes of being on Grindr (he reminded me) I was in transit to the Logan Circle (gay area of DC), knocking on his basement apartment door. This man should have basically been a monument carved from marble but for Abercrombie as opposed to Abe Lincoln — 6’2, tanned skin, muscular but not too big, thick dick (on the shorter side, but a beer can) and the most glorious butt.

His butt was a bubble that didn’t require a gym, he was just BORN with that (this was later confirmed). Our DC sex was sensational. He liked when I faceplanted into his ass. He liked it rough and loved showing off his pits. He was just a piggy bottom with a beautiful… Everything. Naturally we exchange numbers, ‘friend’ on Facebook and dreamed of another hookup (right!).

Back to real life but closer to now: We talked about meeting up again. He says he would come to NYC for a weekend. Oh really? You mean, I can have that ass delivered and NYC is within the delivery zone? Being the hopeless romantic that I am (and incredibly sexual), I said ‘yes.’ My roommate is out of town, so the timing was perfect. I agree to this 3 day, 2 night sex-capade.

The text build-up was a slue of sexting and a jerk video or two. I was pumped for this staycation with my DC arm candy. He arrived at 11pm on Friday. We decide to build anticipation and get a drink at an ultra chic, Hell’s Kitchen cocktail establishment, Flaming Saddles. I drink my pint of Stella, imagining the light dusting of hair on his ass as he drones on and on about the long bus ride not getting into NYC on time.

I noticed he’s a slow drinker. We watch the twink bartender click his boots to Carrie Underwood’s ‘Before He Cheats’ in a way that was a little closer to a drag trick than the usual performance. Finally, he sucks the last drop of his drink from his glass as if he may never be able to afford another and we off.

We get back to my apartment and we start to make out. Our lips aren’t really matching because he’s doing a bird pecking technique I’ve never been a fan off, but I move pass it. He takes off his clothes and I swear I hear Barry White say ‘Oh, yeah.’ He turns around, bends over and I almost pass out from the perfection. I dive in.

Now…PLEASE NOTE, I’m SEN-FUCKING-SATIONAL at rimming. I’ve had some practice (a-hem) and it’s like the biggest turn on for me, so I’ve put in the work and earned my stripes or Girl Scout Badger (it’s a real thing). If any of you doubt my skills, email me at

Giggles. He giggles. He stops me… he hates being rimmed because he’s so ticklish. Wha-What? That’s new. I’m disappointed but I’m not losing my boner. We move on. He decides to give me a subpar BJ, I can’t help myself so I grab his ass a little (you have to jiggle the jello). He stops me… He doesn’t like being grabbed and adds no slaps either- only light touch.

‘Oh, ok’ I say as I kiss down his body. I lick one of his nipples kind of testing him out (my nipples are dead, so I don’t LOVE nip play). He moans a little. I suck a little as he lightly moans (or is he deciding to talk?). I decided to take it to the next level with a little love nibble. He stops me… He doesn’t like nibbles.

At this point, foreplay is over. I would give him a blowjob, but I’ve noticed that he has two thickened calluses. One on the right side of his shift close to the head and one on the left about midway down is shift. Both conveniently under on of his fingers on his left hand. I do admit is fun to find a flaw, but I have never seen anyone who has masturbated in the exact same way so much that they development CALLUSES!

I’m still incredibly hard. I grab a condom. He stops me… He wants to have a discussion on what position is best to start.

I say ‘What’s your favorite?’

‘Doggy’ he says.

FUCK ME! That’s my favorite! We are back in the game! I slid into him with ease. He stops me… Not too deep. The thing that’s weird is that he can clearly take it deeper, but he wants me to tentatively fuck him. Maybe he needs to warm up a little. I slowly move one inch in, one inch out, repeatly. During this dull sex moment, I start to wonder where the guy I bang bang bang-ed is? He said he loved my dick and how aggressive it was, but here we are having sex.

I yawn. I fucking YAWNED!?! But I’m still hard. I figure, flip him over make him show me his pits and I will cum. He flips over without stopping! But then immediate stops me because I’m trying to pick up the pace or go a little deeper. I have a healthy sized dick, please, don’t make me just use 3 inches of it.

It’s actually harder to tentatively fuck someone (on that note, remind me not to break in any more virgins). At this point he stops me to take a rest (what?) and make out. Ok. I like making out. We start to kiss and I’m pressing into him a little because I don’t like the pecking. He stops me… Apparently I have one hair that is a little more pokey on my lower lip that he doesn’t like.

He asks me to go shave. Right now? Yes. With a sigh, I say the words I’ve never said to anyone in a hookup… ‘you want to just jerk off?’ Yes. We are jerking and I think I’m never going to cum, but he closes his eyes and lifts his armpit and I cum on his chest. He stops to say, ‘Normally I don’t like being cum on, but I’m working on it.’ I lay next to him and lightly touch (as instructed) for 26.5 more minutes until he cums. He stopped at the halfway mark to say it takes him a long time to cum.

What I learned: Mr. DC Diplomat doesn’t like being rubbed, rimmed, fingered, fucked, nibbled, kissed, licked, and everything else I love. But ‘LOVES Cuddling and the talk after.’

::eye roll::

And just imagine… We are only 2 hours into the weekend.

Grindrfella’s blog can be found here.

  • me

    I think mr diplomat was looking for something different then just sex. He either just wanted physically companionship or wanted something more than just sex.

  • Grindrfella

    He wanted sex his way and no other way — and his way was not fun. In regards to “his way” guys, I once had a guy beg me to come fuck him. He then told me he has horrible OCD. There was a cleaning ritual I would have to do, wear a condom and…..wait for it….not touch him at all EXCEPT for with my condom cover penis in his ass. Oh! and he liked missionary. It doesn’t matter how much someone holds their legs, that’s a tough request! (sorry it took me so long to reply….follow me on twitter, @grindrfella:disqus )

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