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You’re going to an orgy? Then learn the unwritten rules

orgy-rules-best-practice-sex-party

(the picture above is from this scene)

“A faux pas: a slip or blunder in etiquette, manners, or conduct; an embarrassing social blunder or indiscretion.”

The dictionary definition doesn’t nail the excruciating, cheek-burning mortification that follows a faux pas though, does it? The please-ground-swallow-me-whole sensation when tutting tongues and raised eyebrows are directed your way upon tenting your trunks with an inappropriate boner at the beach. Or when you’ve joked about who’s the biggest slut at a dinner party and then realised you’re gossiping to his boyfriend.

‘You want to come away with lighter balls, not a black eye…’

So imagine how that embarrassment can kill the mood when you’re naked and hard at an orgy. You’re exposed and vulnerable enough- you don’t want to make an innocent mistake and turn into the guy that no-one wants to get with, the guy who has a sexual exclusion zone follow his every step across the writhing, moaning orgy floor.

So here’s a few tips to avoid becoming a sexual pariah, as well as to encourage a safe orgy experience. After all, you want to come away with lighter balls and new jerk off material, not a black eye and an antibiotic resistant STD…

NO really does mean NO
You’re going to an orgy? Then learn the unwritten rules

This is the most common complaint at an orgy. A few men are happily getting it on, sucking, fucking, whatever, and they’re enjoying the audience watching them.

‘Take the hint. It’s a big, fat NO.’

But then a particularity confident guy, confident in the knowledge that no-one could reject his charms, decides he wants to join in, and steps up to stoke his hand across the closest ass cheek, or push his cock into someone’s face. Now, the guys putting on the show may welcome it, but they also may not- so they’ll push away that hand or dick.

If that happens- take the hint. It’s a big, fat NO. GO AWAY. Whatever you do, don’t think of it as charming shyness on their part and go back for another feel. They may have signed up to a shared sexual experience, but you’re still forcing yourself into a semi-private situation.

Simply take a step back and enjoy the show. Chances are the man next to you will more welcoming to your hand wrapped around his cock as you both jerk off and watch.

Don’t assume someone wants to swallow
You’re going to an orgy? Then learn the unwritten rules
That guy on his knees in front of you
may be gulping down the pre-cum dribbling from your cock like a human vacuum cleaner, moaning every time your dickhead crushes against the back of his throat- but don’t assume that’s consent for you to dump your load in his mouth without fair warning.

‘It’s rude, and even a little bit rapey…’

I’m an avid cocksucker myself, and love to taste a fresh load after I’ve put all the work into getting a man to orgasm- but if we’ve not even exchanged first names, I might now always want your most intimate juices sliding down my gullet.

It’s rude, and even a little bit rapey, to simply grab a guy’s head, shove your dick balls deep and unload (which has happened to me more than once). Give the cocksucker a chance to pull off by announcing your upcoming orgasm- be it in words or by loud moans- and if he doesn’t stop sucking by then, *high five*, go ahead and enjoy the experience of a consensual gunk guzzling.

Keep it clean
You’re going to an orgy? Then learn the unwritten rules

This one is so simple, but so many men still neglect it.

‘No-one wants to suck on a stinky cock…’

Have a shower before you go to an orgy. Brush your teeth. No-one wants to make out with a guy with breath like he ate ass for breakfast, or suck on a stinky cock (well, unless you’re totally into that). It takes minutes and will quadruple your sex appeal- a fresh, soapy pair of balls is far more suckable than a jockstrap-sauteed sweat sack.

Oh, and if you’re planning on bottoming: a little freshening up back there will keep the night clean. You do NOT want to be the guy who makes a mess and stinks up the place. You could be banned from future parties, and the memory of it will quite likely haunt you into the next life.

Do assume everyone has HIV
You’re going to an orgy? Then learn the unwritten rules

This is not about shaming anyone with HIV, it’s just reality- a fair amount of men who have sex with men are HIV positive, and you simply have to assume that everyone you’re fucking around with at an orgy has it- and if you don’t want to catch it, act accordingly.

Quite a few guys I’ve slept with simply assume I’m on Truvada and that they don’t need to bother telling me they’re HIV positive- while I dumbly assumed if they’re positive they would volunteer the information so we could take extra care.

So if you are negative and want to stay that way, while still enjoying a carefree orgy experience, either use condoms (I know, *sigh*, but they do work) or get on a once a day, HIV bashing pill like Truvada.

Don’t make a mess
You’re going to an orgy? Then learn the unwritten rules

Chances are the orgy is at someone’s apartment, or maybe a hotel room, so act civilized- no-one wants to spend the next day scrubbing your cum and lube off their walls.

If you don’t respect the venue you’re in then they probably won’t hold another orgy- and we all lose out.

Knock, knock, who’s there?
You’re going to an orgy? Then learn the unwritten rules

(The pic above is from this scene)

One of the biggest crimes of an orgy-goer is forgetting the number of the apartment/hotel room they’re supposed to be going to, probably in a drunken haze, and then proceeding to knock on every door until they find the one stuffed full of naked men.

‘don’t be the guy who got neighbors to call the police!’

It’s the kind of lazy and obnoxious behavior that will get you banned from the next orgy, the orgy-thrower kicked out of their apartment, or the hotel banning parties in rooms.

So be sure to make a note in your wallet before you leave the house- don’t be the guy who got neighbors to call the police!

Men in the dark have feelings too
You’re going to an orgy? Then learn the unwritten rules
If a wandering hand slides up your leg
and it feels like the claw of death- sure, push it away, but don’t feel the need to automatically say something nasty- he’s another human being with feelings too.

But if he doesn’t take a polite no for an answer, feel free to publicly shame him- naturally, in the nicest possible way.

  • Jeffrey Hughes

    Its hard to kno when ppl do and don’t want to be approached at an orgy. But otherwise good advice. Specially number 3.

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